I can't think of anything clever to say when my turn to be interviewed comes, and mumble incoherently in reply to what it is I've been doing recently. "Isn't Nic cute," the bitch cuts in, adding, "She sounds just like I do when I've got a cock in my mouth," making me feel a complete jerk. She makes up, however, by saying how gorgeous I look and am sure to win tonight's "Best Dressed" award. Then we pose for some photos. For the last shot the hostess sinks to her knees and lifts my skirt so they can snap her smiling next to my bald snatch. On stage just a few moments ago I did well, no tongue-tied nonsense this time, after all I am a trained actress.